I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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