I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
this just has baby written all over it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
