I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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