I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
