i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
