they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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