Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
