eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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