watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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