In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
