You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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