I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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