She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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