he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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