My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize