6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my shit smells like andre
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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