are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
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Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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