Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
