It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
