No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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