I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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