if i can run in heels then i can drive
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
