She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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