He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
