Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Enjoy the penises
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
