Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
