so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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