you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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