Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
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you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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