Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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