got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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