You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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