god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
