If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
