So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
