Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize