It's like God shit irony all over that family
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
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My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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