my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
