Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
