he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
