your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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