That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
