the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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