Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
