This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize