Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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