Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
