i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
