we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
