who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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