I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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