remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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