I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
