I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
