well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize