im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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